MY JOURNEY WITH ENVY

we are conditioned to avoid what we fear and seek what gives us pleasure 

-Joseph A.Shrand

                         

schadenfreude

             Joseph A. Shrand  couldn't have been further from the truth... 
Some years ago,I had a lot of trouble opening Facebook and going out without feeling terrible.
There was always something waiting to leave a bitter  taste in my mouth.....A secondary school  classmate doing better than me,statuses that begin with,"I'm excited to announce...."..sister can't you do it elsewhere??It got so bad that I decided to UNFOLLOW some people....YES,I DID THAT.

Do I need to tell you about those people I didn't even know from Adam....I'll see their accomplishment  and the voice in my head will take over.I will conclude  that they've achieved so much at my age while I'm still here doing close to nothing.Why can't I be the one with the wins?

Here is the part that you are not expecting....there were moments when I couldn't help but bask in delight when people better than me experienced failure,misfortune,etc...MISERY THEY SAY LOVES COMPANY.

Just like me,you may have felt an evil sort of glee at the slip-up of another......it could be that smile you couldn't stop when you learn that your Ex who dumped you was having relationship troubles...C'MON,FESS UP.

According to Stacy C.,"when you are feeling inadequate,other people's successes become unbearable to witness because it sets up a comparison that makes you feel worse"

After so many years of comparing,competing with others and feeling bad;here is a few things that I've learned:

• Some might be excelling at one thing but struggling in other areas of their lives
• we are on our own timeline..I am not behind in life,I'm exactly where I need to be.
• My self-esteem  is not tied to my performance  on social media
• No matter how beautiful/real a person's life is online,it's still not half of her entire identity...they are real people and also experience life's ups and down.They probably have diseases they also don't talk about.We all have longings.
• The things I see in others that got me feeling terrible are probably things I'd love to have.
• I ask myself if I feel insecure,inadequate or inferior in some way and why....okay,this is no easy task but it's been very rewarding
• Instead of upward and downward social comparison,it's better to identify my personal values and set goals for myself accordingly on my own terms..
• I AM ENOUGH..my happiness is not dependent on other people's success or misfortune.
• WE ARE ALL HUMAN-BEING

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