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| Self-Validation |
Many of us live in invalidating environments-environment that constantly send us the message that "we don't make sense",that we are inferior.
Some of us have friends or siblings who persistently attack or disagree with our views. ..when we try to share our experiences,thoughts or feelings,they tell us "you make a big deal out of nothing" "That's nothing compared to what happened to others",etc..They always find fault with who we are and are eager to show us who/how we need to be.
Truthfully,It's a painful and alienating experience to be misunderstood and treated as someone inferior or unworthy of attention and respect.
When we receive the message that something is "wrong" with who we are ,it makes us to loose sense of our self-worth and meaning of life,which leaves us frustrated,confused,sad,empty and sometimes angry.
We often reach the conclusion that there is something "wrong" with us - that we have a fatal flaw.
Hence,we are driven to restore and enhance the appreciation of our self-worth through various means.Your answer to the question below will determine your source of validation:
What defines a good day for you?
What makes your life happy and meaningful?
For many years,my happiness was tied to the results I obtain in various pursuits but there always seemed to be somebody who was a step ahead.I tried so hard to run away from the pain by chasing that idea of perfection in hope that one day I'll be wholly accepted,loved,and "make sense" but I failed again and again and again.
Some peoples' happiness is tied to their relationship,achievements,Facebook likes,etc.. But this cannot make up for the way you feel about yourself;which is why self-validation is important.
Alan Fruzetti,PHD, defined self-validation as "thinking what we think,feeling what we feel,and so on,with acceptance and without judgement or second guessing ourselves". It is understanding that your self-worth is not tied to your relationship,achievements,roles,social media,etc...
Self-validation is knowing that you make sense,that your emotions/thoughts/experiences are not right or wrong,healthy or unhealthy,good or bad,rather, acknowledging that they make sense; and exist for some reasons(known or unknown)
When we accept and appreciate who we really are,we can stop judging ourselves - allowing ourselves to take a deep breath of relief knowing that we can release all the masks that have been weighing us down.
Validating ourselves is a process,it is not a button we can switch whenever we like.
Each moment is an opportunity to practice awareness and acceptance of ourselves....to tell yourself that you make sense.
There is no right or wrong way of being you.You make sense!
We often reach the conclusion that there is something "wrong" with us - that we have a fatal flaw.
Hence,we are driven to restore and enhance the appreciation of our self-worth through various means.Your answer to the question below will determine your source of validation:
What defines a good day for you?
What makes your life happy and meaningful?
For many years,my happiness was tied to the results I obtain in various pursuits but there always seemed to be somebody who was a step ahead.I tried so hard to run away from the pain by chasing that idea of perfection in hope that one day I'll be wholly accepted,loved,and "make sense" but I failed again and again and again.
Some peoples' happiness is tied to their relationship,achievements,Facebook likes,etc.. But this cannot make up for the way you feel about yourself;which is why self-validation is important.
Alan Fruzetti,PHD, defined self-validation as "thinking what we think,feeling what we feel,and so on,with acceptance and without judgement or second guessing ourselves". It is understanding that your self-worth is not tied to your relationship,achievements,roles,social media,etc...
Self-validation is knowing that you make sense,that your emotions/thoughts/experiences are not right or wrong,healthy or unhealthy,good or bad,rather, acknowledging that they make sense; and exist for some reasons(known or unknown)
When we accept and appreciate who we really are,we can stop judging ourselves - allowing ourselves to take a deep breath of relief knowing that we can release all the masks that have been weighing us down.
Validating ourselves is a process,it is not a button we can switch whenever we like.
Each moment is an opportunity to practice awareness and acceptance of ourselves....to tell yourself that you make sense.
There is no right or wrong way of being you.You make sense!
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