Betrayed by God/Trusting him in my pain is not easy

Watching people in church sing,"we are grateful oh lord" felt like a slap on my face.I wasn't feeling any atom of gratefulness...
I had just received this heart-piercing,blood-draining and energy sapping news of my sisters miscarriage.
How can God allow such horrible thing to happen to his child..after all the daily requests made by me and every other person....
As I type  on this keyboard,my heart is still bleeding..I feel betrayed.
I know that I'm supposed to trust Him but right now....I am hurting and trusting him in this pain is not easy

If like me you are at that point where you don't know how to trust still,this is for you.

How To Trust God in painful circumstances
      ~Patreeya Prasertvit


If God loves me, why would He
let this happen?
If you have asked this question recently, you’re
not alone.
You can know lots of Bible verses. You can be
heavily involved in Christian community. You
can be confident that you know Jesus
personally.
None of these things will guarantee you never
feel trapped in feelings of helplessness, loss or
suffering.
You might even feel betrayed by God. After all,
you’ve been taught that He’s able to change
your circumstances — and yet your
circumstances make you wonder if He’s
indifferent to them.
So during tough times, how do you move
toward a God you feel uncertain about?
Is there a way for painful experiences to help
you trust God?
Pain exposes our deeper
concerns
C.S. Lewis described pain as, “God’s
megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
Suffering turns our worldview upside down.
As we try to make sense of our emotions and
circumstances, questions naturally arise.
Why does God even allow suffering?
Why does God allow my suffering?
Who’s to blame for my circumstances?
How am I supposed to move forward?
These are questions of meaning and purpose,
and sometimes these questions have no
answer that truly meets us in our pain. But
there’s a deeper set of questions that can help
ground us in grief.
Asking the “who” questions — Who is God?
Who does He say I am? — can help provide us
with a framework to experience God with us,
even when we don’t understand why
something is happening.
Here are some specific questions you might
ask:
What is still true of God in my pain?
Who am I when the things I loved or
defined me are taken away?
What kind of person will I become
because of this pain?
Who would I become if I never
experienced suffering?
You can take a step toward trusting God by
being honest and wrestling with these
questions, trusting that He is with you in the
process.
Painful circumstances deepen
relationships
Sometimes we demand answers for why things
happen, when what we actually need is to
know we’re not alone.
We need to know
there’s hope for the
future.
The Bible tells us that God is close to the
brokenhearted and that Jesus endured
suffering so we could know we aren’t alone in
it. We can take our pain to Jesus because He
understands it more deeply than anyone else.
But God also encourages us to share our
suffering with other people.
Community provides the opportunity to
experience God through the tangible support
and care of those around us.
Bringing others into how you’re feeling can
create connection and depth that is hard to
experience when everything is going well.
When we know we are not alone, we have
more energy and courage to face the reality of
our situation. And it’s only when we accept the
reality of our situation that we can truly
experience God.
We can only find real comfort when we bring
our real selves to God and to others.
Even sending out a message to a few friends
and asking for help or support can make a
difference in how connected you feel.
Pain reminds us of God’s
character and faithfulness
When we’re asked to trust someone, we
evaluate what we know about that person’s
character.
What kind of person is he or she at the core?
Are we basing this on intuition or past
experience?
The root of our ability
to trust God lies in
what we believe about
His character. Our
circumstances may
change, but God’s
character does not.
When we evaluate who God is according to our
changing circumstances, we create an
unreliable picture, dictated by what we see in
that moment.
But life is not comprised of one moment. We
live in the middle of a story as characters
unable to see the ending or make complete
sense of the plot.
So in our limited understanding we must
remember the trustworthiness of the Author.
Look at your
circumstances through
the lens of God’s
character, rather than
evaluating God’s
character through the
circumstances of your
life.
And remember that, however painful the
chapter you currently find yourself in, the story
is far from over.
Where do you go from here?
Think of two or three friends you can invite
into your present struggles.
Honestly tell them how you’re feeling and
what you need them to pray for.
Explore more of life’s big questions

    Originally published in CRU.

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MY JOURNEY WITH ENVY

we are conditioned to avoid what we fear and seek what gives us pleasure 

-Joseph A.Shrand

                         

schadenfreude

             Joseph A. Shrand  couldn't have been further from the truth... 
Some years ago,I had a lot of trouble opening Facebook and going out without feeling terrible.
There was always something waiting to leave a bitter  taste in my mouth.....A secondary school  classmate doing better than me,statuses that begin with,"I'm excited to announce...."..sister can't you do it elsewhere??It got so bad that I decided to UNFOLLOW some people....YES,I DID THAT.

Do I need to tell you about those people I didn't even know from Adam....I'll see their accomplishment  and the voice in my head will take over.I will conclude  that they've achieved so much at my age while I'm still here doing close to nothing.Why can't I be the one with the wins?

Here is the part that you are not expecting....there were moments when I couldn't help but bask in delight when people better than me experienced failure,misfortune,etc...MISERY THEY SAY LOVES COMPANY.

Just like me,you may have felt an evil sort of glee at the slip-up of another......it could be that smile you couldn't stop when you learn that your Ex who dumped you was having relationship troubles...C'MON,FESS UP.

According to Stacy C.,"when you are feeling inadequate,other people's successes become unbearable to witness because it sets up a comparison that makes you feel worse"

After so many years of comparing,competing with others and feeling bad;here is a few things that I've learned:

• Some might be excelling at one thing but struggling in other areas of their lives
• we are on our own timeline..I am not behind in life,I'm exactly where I need to be.
• My self-esteem  is not tied to my performance  on social media
• No matter how beautiful/real a person's life is online,it's still not half of her entire identity...they are real people and also experience life's ups and down.They probably have diseases they also don't talk about.We all have longings.
• The things I see in others that got me feeling terrible are probably things I'd love to have.
• I ask myself if I feel insecure,inadequate or inferior in some way and why....okay,this is no easy task but it's been very rewarding
• Instead of upward and downward social comparison,it's better to identify my personal values and set goals for myself accordingly on my own terms..
• I AM ENOUGH..my happiness is not dependent on other people's success or misfortune.
• WE ARE ALL HUMAN-BEING

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Losing my virginity does not make me a damaged goods

Damaged food

Many of us have listened to "spirit filled" preachers
go on and on about  virginity....and how those at the other end of
the rope are.....damaged,very filthy and unwelcome  in the kingdom..
 Honey, your previous relations cannot and will never disqualify you
from sharing that relationship with God and your spouse.

 DAMAGED GOODS

    written by Sarah Bessey


I was nineteen years old and
crazy in love with Jesus when that
preacher told an auditorium I was
“damaged goods” because of my
sexual past. He was making every
effort to encourage this crowd of
young adults to “stay pure for
marriage.” He was passionate,
yes, well-intentioned, and he was
a good speaker, very convincing
indeed.
And he stood up there and
shamed me, over and over and
over again.
Oh, he didn’t call me up to the
front and name me. But he stood
up there and talked about me with
such disgust, like I couldn’t be in
that real-life crowd of young
people worshipping in that
church. I felt spotlighted and
singled out amongst the holy,
surely my red face announced my
guilt to every one.
He passed around a cup of water
and asked us all to spit into it.
Some boys horked and honked
their worst into that cup while
everyone laughed. Then he held
up that cup of cloudy saliva from
the crowd and asked, “Who wants
to drink this?!”
And every one in the crowd made
barfing noises, no way, gross !
“This is what you are like if you
have sex before marriage,” he
said seriously, “you are asking
your future husband or wife to
drink this cup.”
Over the years the messages
melded together into the common
refrain: “Sarah, your virginity
was a gift and you gave it away.
You threw away your virtue for a
moment of pleasure. You have
twisted God’s ideal of sex and love
and marriage. You will never be
free of your former partners, the
boys of your past will haunt your
marriage like soul-ties. Your
virginity belonged to your future
husband. You stole from him. If –
if! – you ever get married, you’ll
have tremendous baggage to
overcome in your marriage,
you’ve ruined everything. No one
honourable or godly wants to
marry you. You are damaged
goods, Sarah.”
If true love waits, I heard, then I
have been disqualified from true
love.
In the face of our sexually-
dysfunctional culture, the Church
longs to stand as an outpost of
God’s ways of love and marriage,
purity and wholeness.
And yet we twist that until we
treat someone like me – and,
according to this research , 80% of
you are like me – as if our value and
worth was tied up in our virginity.
We, the majority non-virgins in
the myopic purity conversations,
feel like the dirty little secret, the
not-as-goods, the easily judged
example. In this clouded swirl of
shame, our sexual choices are the
barometer of our righteousness
and worth. We can’t let any one
know, so we keep it quiet, lest any
one discover we were not virgins
on some mythic wedding
night. We don’t want to be the
object of disgust or pity or gossip
or judgement. And in the silence,
our shame – and the lies of the
enemy – grow.
And so here, now, I’ll stand up
and say it, the way I wish
someone had said it to me fifteen
years ago when I was sitting in
that packed auditorium with my
heart racing, wrists aching, eyes
stinging, drowning and silenced
by the imposition of shame
masquerading as ashes of
repentance:
“So, you had sex before you were
married.
It’s okay.
Really. It’s okay.
There is no shame in Christ’s love.
Let him without sin cast the first
stone. You are more than your
virginity – or lack thereof – and
more than your sexual past.
Your marriage is not doomed
because you said yes to the boys
you loved as a young woman.
Your husband won’t hold it
against you, he’s not that weak
and ego-driven, choose a man
marked by grace.
It’s likely you would make different
choices, if you knew then what you
know now, but, darling, don’t make
it more than it is, and don’t make it
less than it is. Let it be true, and
don’t let anyone silence you or the
redeeming work of Christ in your
life out of shame.
Now, in Christ, you’re clear, like
Canadian mountain water,
rushing and alive, quenching and
bracing, in your wholeness.
Virginity isn’t a guarantee of
healthy sexuality or marriage. You
don’t have to consign your sexuality
to the box marked “Wrong.” Your
very normal and healthy desires
aren’t a switch to be flipped.
Morality tales and false identities
aren’t the stuff of a real marriage.
Purity isn’t judged by outward
appearances and technicalities.
The sheep and the goats are not
divided on the basis of their
virginity. (Besides, this focus is
weird and over-realized, it’s the
flip side of the culture’s
coin which values women only for
their sexuality. It’s also damaging,
not only for you, but for the
virgins in the room, too. Really,
there’s a lot of baggage from this
whole purity movement heading
out into the world.)
For I am convinced, right along
with the Apostle Paul, that neither
death nor life, neither angels nor
demons, neither the present nor
the future, nor any other power,
neither height nor depth, nor
anything else in all creation, will
be able to separate us from the
love of God which is in Christ
Jesus.* Not even “neither virginity
nor promiscuity” and all points
between can separate you from
this love. You are loved – without
condition – beyond your wildest
dreams already.
I would say: Sarah, your worth
isn’t determined by your virginity.
What a lie.
No matter what that preacher said
that day, no matter how many
purity balls are thrown with
sparkling upper-middle-class
extravagance, no matter the
purity rings and the purity
pledges, no matter the
judgemental Gospel-negating
rhetoric used with the best of
intentions, no matter the “how
close is too close?” serious
conversations of boundary-
marking young Christians, no
matter the circumstances of your
story, you are not disqualified from
life or from joy or from marriage
or from your calling or from a
healthy and wonderful lifetime of
sex because you had – and, heaven
forbid, enjoyed – sex before you
were married.
Darling, young one burning with
shame and hiding in the silence,
listen now: Don’t believe that lie.
You never were, you never will be,
damaged goods.”

   DAMAGED GOODS was re-blogged   by graceleju.blogspot.com

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WHAT'S THE "HARD YELLOW STUFF" ON YOUR TEETH

First impression they say can carry for a life time.And the first thing people tend to notice is your smile - oh! your teeth is an essential part of that smile..

       

Teeth with plaque

Do you have sticky stuff on your teeth?
or is yours the hard stubborn yellow stuff?
Relax, I'm not trying to add to your insecurities.....each of us already have our fair share of  things we are ridiculously self conscious about...

However,taking care of your  teeth is very important...it's actually the least you could do.Your teeth don't have to be Colgate shining though - mine isn't!. But, a dirty teeth is quite bad.It's a sign of of being lazy....if a person cannot put forth the basic effort it takes to brush their teeth at least once a day,then it says a whole lot more about how they care for the rest of their body.

SO,what is that "hard yellow stuff" on your teeth?
we'll have to start with the colorless sticky stuff which is the foundation for the hard one
The colorless sticky substance is called  PLAQUE..it is made up of the normal bacteria of your mouth and discarded cells of your cheeks and tongue.

If plaque is not removed after 72 hours,it becomes hard and converts into that "hard yellow stuff" known as DENTAL CALCULUS OR TARTAR..And according to report,calculus cannot be  removed by BRUSHING,dental floss or a visit to a dentist are the available options.
A dental floss is a string of material used for cleaning in between the teeth where a toothbrush may not reach.
        WHO CARES ABOUT THAT YELLOW STUFF ANYWAYS?
well,I do and you should too...because plaque and/or tartar can lead to gum disease,dental caries,or cavities....it spoils your smile and leaves you with bad breath.You definitely wouldn't want your teeth looking like the picture below,would you?

TARTAR

CONCLUSION: when it comes to our teeth,the old dictum "prevention is better than cure" is key. Your teeth don't have to be Colgate white,just make an effort to keep them clean on daily basis.The more care you take of your teeth now,the more stunning smile you will share in the future!         

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SELF-VALIDATION:YOU MAKE SENSE

Self-Validation

Validating ourselves is a life-long mission given  to  every conscious being.
Many of us live in invalidating environments-environment that constantly send us the message that "we don't make sense",that we are inferior.
Some of us  have friends or siblings who persistently attack or disagree with our views. ..when we try to share our experiences,thoughts or feelings,they tell us "you make a big deal out of nothing" "That's nothing compared to what happened to others",etc..They always find fault with  who we are and are eager to show us who/how we need to be.

Truthfully,It's a painful and alienating experience to be misunderstood and treated as someone inferior or unworthy of attention and respect.

When we receive the message that something is "wrong" with who we are ,it makes us to loose sense of  our self-worth and meaning of life,which leaves us frustrated,confused,sad,empty and sometimes angry.
We often reach the conclusion that there is something "wrong" with us - that we have a fatal flaw.
Hence,we are driven to restore and enhance the appreciation of our self-worth through various means.Your answer to the question below will determine your source of validation:
What defines a good day for you?
What makes your life happy and meaningful?

For many years,my happiness was tied to the results I obtain in  various pursuits but there always  seemed to be somebody who was a step ahead.I tried so hard to run away from the pain by chasing that idea of perfection in hope that one day I'll be wholly accepted,loved,and "make sense" but I failed again and again and again.
Some peoples'  happiness is tied to their relationship,achievements,Facebook likes,etc.. But this cannot make up for the way you feel about yourself;which is why self-validation is important.
  Alan Fruzetti,PHD, defined self-validation as "thinking what we think,feeling what we feel,and so on,with acceptance and without judgement or second guessing ourselves". It is understanding that your self-worth is not tied to your relationship,achievements,roles,social media,etc...
Self-validation is knowing that you make sense,that your emotions/thoughts/experiences are not right or wrong,healthy or unhealthy,good or bad,rather, acknowledging that  they make sense; and exist for some reasons(known or unknown)
When we accept and appreciate who we really are,we can stop judging ourselves - allowing ourselves  to take a deep breath of relief knowing that we can release all the masks that have been weighing us down.
Validating ourselves  is a process,it is not a button we can switch  whenever we like.
Each moment is an opportunity to practice awareness and acceptance of ourselves....to tell yourself that you make sense.

There is no right or wrong way of being you.You make sense!

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Feelings:letting it ALL out

      

Learn to say EXACTLY what YOU feel, HOW you
feel it and if you can, WHEN you feel it. Its IN that
process you'll find out WHY you feel it and
resolve THE 'feeling' so you can move on WHOLE.
Do NOT let anyone tell you what you can or
cannot say and more importantly, DO NOT
HOARD your FEELINGS. Try to stay away from
people who always 'expect' you to 'feel' a certain
way or say certain things which leads to hoarding
feelings.


Hoarding feelings is BAD for you and even worse
your HEALTH! Especially if hoarding it does NOT
lead to RESOLVING it.This is why children are
generally happier and healthier (apart from colds
and infections which their bodies aren't fully
developed to handle); they pout when they want
to, they cry when they want to, they throw
tantrums when they want to and they act out
when they want to
It is IMPORTANT that they do this! Cos its how
their mind comes to terms with an event they do
NOT fully understand. Our UNDOING as Adults is
we trick ourselves into thinking we 'Understand'
everything and so PRETEND about HOW we feel in
any given situation ... sigh. Honey you DON'T.
UNEXPECTED-NESS is proof of LIFE. You should
exhibit and embrace it always.
People should find the freedom to BE in your
presence! They should NOT be censored or
muzzled. They should scream if they want to,
laugh hysterically if they want to, cry
uncontrollably if they want to, be completely silent
and unresponsive if they want to, ignore you
(hopefully not for too long ) if they want to
without being JUDGED!
But YOU can only do this for another if YOU have
allowed YOURSELF the same privilege. If you've
NEVER permitted yourself to LOSE it completely
and be a mess, if you've NEVER allowed yourself
moments of acknowledged uncertainty and
confusion, if you've NEVER allowed yourself the
privilege of doing something stupid and
acknowledging it or NEVER allowed yourself the
blessing of SOLITUDE or reluctance or reticence,
You will make sure everyone around you NEVER
has nor expresses such freedom. You are
HUMAN. BE HUMAN. Love YOURSELF as YOU
ARE so you can Love others AS THEY ARE not as
you WISH them to be.

Written by Uduak Etuk

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WHY DON'T I HAVE CLOSE FRIENDS?

Some of us do desire intimacy but we prefer solitude and privacy because closeness freaks us out.Its always difficult to have that long lasting friendship.we meet someone new and feel excited......yeeaaah,!.Within say 3 to 8 weeks,when this friend throws his/her arm around us,we experience a flood of anxiety and it feels as if we are suffocating.There is this sense of impending doom.We start to hold our guard against judgement/rejection and constantly yearn for alone time.We run out of things to say to him....9 times out of 10,we find him annoying.As his/her need amplify,we withdraw and maybe even shut down.
     You don't believe that there is anyone in the world you can trust?
     You push people away.how could you let someone get close enough  to hurt you (again)?
     Are you that friend that people remember only when there is trouble....the war time consigliere?
     Many of us struggle with underlying feelings of being unlovable.We have trouble feeling our own value and believing anyone could really care for us.

"Your relationship with yourself is likely the cause because our relationship with others is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves." 

Whether we know it or not,we all harbour defences that we believe on some level will protect us from getting hurt.These defences may offer us a false illusion of safety or security but they keep us from getting the closeness we most desire.

Pushing people away is a very basic defence  mechanism.People become inundated with their own fears and insecurities as their relationship grow.....they are afraid that they will not be accepted and therefore hurt by their loved one.so the cunning and self-deprecating thing to do is to hurt  their significant other before she/he hurts them.People go through self-defeating lengths to elude the possibility of being rejected or negatively judged by others.IF YOU:push people away and create narratives to explain why you cannot move closer to them.

• practise passive deniability:you use these lines - "did that hurt? I didn't mean it that way".."I never said that".."you are imagining it" 
• let partners pursue and initiate so that you never risk rejection
• Avoid commitment:you keep one foot out the door in any relationship or/and hoard resources(emotional,financial,etc)
• use silent treatment to get attention instead of saying  that you are feeling hurt.
• Justify your needs instead of stating them
• Dismiss or invalidate perceptions/emotions:you tell others they shouldn't feel a certain way or ask them "what could you have possibly experience at this age"
• say things that draw people closer and then pretend you never said those things in the first place

• let people in and then disappear

Then Know that you are trying to conceal your needs and perceived inadequacies and ensure you avoid attack.
When you continue doing these things,those around you will change...they will initiate less-which may make them less confrontational to you.But this means that they are growing closer to the point of leaving you(rejecting you)as you feared or  expected them to.
 In this way,you create what you fear  and expect by rejecting friends bid for intimacy..
WHERE DID IT COME FROM/PROBABLE ORIGIN?

1. Childhood experiences:people with history of being let down when it comes to intimacy(absent parents,abuse,neglect,etc) and having their needs met as children.. learned to try and meet their needs only with themselves and by being alone.This experience make them to understand that their presence is a burden.They conceptualize the world in terms of individual systems rather than social/interactive system.They are drawn towards the illusion of connection....often describing their ideal partner as one that gets them in such a way that they need not put any effort into explaining.They have great difficulty entering into deeper conversations..they pull out when partners or friends try to find out more about them.
2. Past relationship:After a heartbreak ,a person is never the same.The following thoughts hover in your mind:"wasn't I capable enough to take care of her?Didn't I love him enough?.The way we were hurt in our previous relationship have a strong influence on how we perceive the people we get close to;as well as how we act.We may steer away from intimacy because it stirs up old feelings of hurt,loss,anger or rejection.

Final words:Due to our misguided fear,we end up leaving trails of half-baked relationships,angry exes ,unkempt relationships and then wonder why we feel so alone.Dear,We cannot build real,deep connection with others until we show up authentically in all our vulnerabilities.Connecting to others is a sense of being open and available to another person,even as you feel they are open and available to you.

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ANGER:THE EMOTION OF INVULNERABILITY

Do you feel personally attacked when someone says something derogatory,controlling or demeaning to you, or if they refuse to see things your way?Do you continually feel like you are on edge ?Guess what-you are not alone,we are in this together. Anger is simply part of human experience.Everybody feels angry at different times.

  Anger is a form of self defense,a response to a perceived  or real threat.It is a secondary emotion because you must be responding to the perception of some sort of attack to feel it.It is a coping mechanism-we tend to resort to anger to protect ourselves or mask  other vulnerable  feelings such as anxiety,shame,fear,guilt,helplessness,grief,frustration,low self-esteem,etc. Anger provides a good smoke screen for these unpleasant emotions.

Most of us were not educated about our feelings,we learned how to deal with feelings by watching those around us.Girls cry because it was socially accepted for them to do so while boys don't,etc .We learned and became so adept at using anger as a cover-up that we  have little or no awareness of the dynamic driving our behaviour.

     The powerful feeling of anger makes us invulnerable,in control and numb to what is hurting us at the moment.Anger makes it possible for us to distance ourselves from a full  awareness of unpleasant thoughts,feelings and behaviour.Being that we don't want to get off the pedestal we've placed ourselves-we  became addicted to anger.

In the aftermath of feeling angry,its often easy to spot the damages done;there are visible tangible signs:tears on your partner's face,a heavy silence hanging in the air or bruises,people feeling put off,upset,intimidated or a handful of other unpleasant emotions.The recipient of your venom may step back from you not because they want to provide you with more space  to vent the venom but because they're feeling an urgent need to distance themselves from it.Anger puts your physical well-being at risk as it can cause headache,chest-pain,migraine,etc

We might feel that our anger is justified-other people may think otherwise because they don't understand what motivated it(the vulnerable feelings driving  it ).This is why despite the immediate power boost to your self-esteem that anger offers,it rarely resolves anything.

According to Ralph Waldo,"for every minute you remain angry ,you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind"

SO,What should you do when next the need arises for you to protect your vulnerability?When someone hurts your ego and you are tempted to shift to anger mode?I used to shut down, play small and wait for the storm to pass; but this has never been helpful.Yelling is not the solution either.

Just pause and ask yourself.what am I feeling underneath this?It may be difficult to notice any vulnerable emotion but the anger - explore your thoughts because our emotions are fuelled by our thoughts.Develop an awareness and try to understand the primary emotion  that is triggering your anger,this can be complicated when you are not used thinking about how you feel.Like they say,"practice makes better".

      Then,learn how to constructively express your feelings to the offending party;for example:I feel hurt when you say so or do so.This approach may lead you to admit to yourself and to others certain things you'd rather keep secret:that you have some unresolved grief,that  you need need hep,not smart enough,that you feel inadequate,needy,like a failure or that you are scared of some certain outcome.

This will help you to address a need deeper than the anger.

Contrary to the believe that expressing our vulnerability makes us weak.we are most powerful.When we express our vulnerability directly,we access our ability to tell others what is or is not acceptable to us.We forge a creative space where the magic of human connection occurs when we assertively express the truth of our feelings.   

 

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IS THIS A RELATIONSHIP?/ALMOST RELATIONSHIP

Are you caught in an emotional limbo?Ever experienced the awkwardness of explaining to your friends that your relationship is not exactly one?Are you familiar with these terms,"seeing","talking" or just "hanging out".You are not alone,we've all been there and we asked the same question you are asking..."is this a relationship?".Sorry dear,its not..it is called ALMOST relationship.

Almost relationship feels,looks and sounds like a relationship but it's not one.It is a relationship that is out of reach which will never be reached.Hope,fantasy and possibilities are the foundation on which almost relationship is built.It's a long chain of questions...why did they make me fall for them and  then decide not to catch me?what did I do wrong?why did they stop replying my messages?Is it over between us?

In almost relationship, your imagination  reigns supreme,you imagine all the things that could've,would've,should've happen IF......
Some of the things that comes with an Almost Relationship are as follows:

• They criticize you and try to modify you:Your partner will criticize you till you  lose sense of all you have and focus on all the the things you lack.You are their source of self esteem,you give them relevance.You honestly believed that  they are these amazing people you imagined.Because of the crazy idea of what you could have with this "imagined" amazing person,you will change yourself to suit and appease them.
• They can't take responsibility:They are not ready to go an inch deeper than they already did and they cannot take responsibility for the ways their actions may be harming you.They cannot commit to you,they want intimacy while holding their freedom.The intentionally refused to label the relationship in order to have freedom to do anything,they don't expect anyone to get hurt because they didn't promise you anything.
• There is a lot of confusion,blurry lines,games,and their fickleness will make you doubt your reality.You are constantly trying to prove to them that you deserve them.
• No healthy communication:The talk about their self and make zero effort to get to know you.They talk down on you,berate you and get angry  at your feedback.
• There is no closure:You cannot tell when your almost relationship is over,when your partner is busy,when they need space.The will stop talking to you,calling and replying your text, There is nothing you could've done differently to prevent all that.After some weeks or months,they may call you or send a text.And the whole thing will repeat itself over and over again.The more you keep on looking answers and ways to make it work,the longer you will be trapped in that emotional limbo.

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HOW DO YOU GET RID OF BAD BREATH

There is no denying the fact that bad breath is unpleasant and embarrassing,nobody deserves to  deal with  the self consciousness that can result from halitosis.
The prime cause of  bad breath is a gram negative bacterium that lives on all oral surfaces;onion,garlic and some other  food items can cause bad breath.Read why you have bad breath to find out other potential causes of bad breath.

Don't let bad breath stand in the way of kisses,hugs,and close conversations when effective solutions do exist.Try the following to get rid of halitosis:

• Proper oral care:Brushing at least twice and flossing once daily removes plague and food particles in your mouth.This helps to prevent your risk of developing  gum disease and tooth decay.If your bad breath is from oral problems,proper oral  hygiene is all you need!
• Aloe Vera:Do you experience pain  from sensitive mouth?Aloe Vera is all you need because the vitamins and enzymes in it will help protect  and reinforce sensitive mouth tissues as well.It  has natural anti-fungal and antibacterial substances.The ℬsitosterol found in it soothes acid indigestion which is responsible for some bad breath.Aloe helps to kill the bad bacteria and fights tooth decay.
• Zinc:Incorporating zinc supplements or foods rich in zinc will make the bacteria that binds to surface proteins to release sulphur gases to bind instead on  the protein receptors of the available zinc ions,disallowing new sulphur gas from being created.
• Water:Drink  sufficient amount of water daily to avoid dry mouth.Drinking water helps your body to produce saliva,which is a natural bacteria fighter.
• Probiotic: Probiotic can benefit your intestinal health.Incorporating probiotic rich food such as yoghurt into your diet can help your halitosis problem.
• Avoid foods that cause bad breath:onions and garlic are at the top of the list.If you must eat them,don't eat them before going out.
• See your doctor

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WHY AM I SO TIRED?

Do you find it difficult to drag yourself out of the bed?Do you constantly feel tired or exhausted?
Fatigue is generally defined as a feeling of lack of energy and motivation that can be physical,mental or both.Fatigue puts you at risk of  accidents  at work and while driving;you can address this if you know the cause of fatigue.

Some potential cause of tiredness include the following:

• Sleep Debt: sounds funny,right?You can owe sleep too.The average sleep adults need is eight hours per night but many people fail to get their sleep need thereby accumulating  huge sleep debt.When you don't pay up all that debt by catching up the required extra sleep,you will go through your day feeling tired.
• Heart Failure:The reduction in the pumping ability of the heart makes less blood to reach the muscles and tissues.With less blood in your muscles,even daily activities can feel exhausting
• Anaemia:Anaemia means you have fewer red blood cells than normal or less haemoglobin in each red blood cell than normal.As the level of  haemoglobin falls,the ability of your body to deliver oxygen to the brain,heart,muscles and other tissues is reduced.This results to tiredness,lethargy,feeling faint and easily becoming breathless,
• Depression:According to report,over 90% of people with depression always feel tired. Depression  uses up so much of your emotional energy,this is reflected in your physical energy.
• Sleep Apnoea:When you snore,your throat starts to close and a wakeup call is sent to your brain causing you to wakeup enough for your muscle tone to be restored and your throat to breath.This prevents your body from going through the four stages of sleep,thereby depriving you the sleep you need.And you end up feeling tired.                                                                      

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why you have bad breath

Report has it that more than 50 million suffer from serious halitosis (bad breath).we all know that  bad breath can be very embarrassing ,little wonder your pocket overflows with gum,mint and others.The general belief that bad breath is caused by only  lack of good dental hygiene has done more harm than good.
Hence,People with bad breath experience the following:

•  withdrawal from social situation
• fear of  speaking in public
• anxiety about being close to others  and physical affection
• regular chewing of gum and mint sucking                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Its a shame that you have allowed bad breath to control your life.Here are some causes of bad breath that you will change your life. 
• Hunger:when you skip meals regularly,the amount of saliva in your mouth will reduce.This will prevent the clearing of harmful bacteria  ,causing mouth odour
• Menstruation: Bad breath in women tend to increase before and during  their period .This is due to the decrease in saliva levels during menstruation.
• Poor dental hygiene:if you don't brush and floss daily , food particles will remain in your mouth and this will cause bad breath .
• Health problems:Research suggests that 5 to 10% of bad breath is caused by disease in other parts of the body.Bad breath is one of the ways your body warns you of serious problems.Cirrhosis may cause bad breath described as decayed blood or rotten egg.A fishy smell indicates a chronic kidney failure.A faecal odour may point to bowel obstruction.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Conclusion:Maintain a good  oral hygiene but if bad breath persists, visit your doctor .

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